Between Peaks: Cooper cuts a lonely image in this week’s Twin Peaks – ‘Part 5’ (Season 3)

Twin Peaks has seemed a bit shy as of late. Not the show itself of course – no one could ever accuse David Lynch of being “shy” in his aesthetic output – but the town of its namesake. Outside of the sheriff’s department and the episode-end cameos of the Bang Bang Bar (seemingly a new right of passage for the muso-lover’s best kept secret), there has been little sight of the town, almost as if it has been avoiding our hungry gaze on purpose. It has been 25 years after all, and whilst we have both aged gracefully, there is a trust to be renewed.

The stark, otherworldly abruptness of the first few episodes has now abated a little and the humour has started to creep back in though the cracks, in a manner more awkward than ever. Angelo Badalamenti’s precious score is ever-missed! Can you imagine that Wally Brando scene with a hint of “Freshly Squeezed”? Wouldn’t that be perfection?

Thankfully, despite the sonic absence of the music our hearts bleed for, we are treated to the return of a few more old hands in this week’s episode. Lynch’s penchant for seemingly pointless asides makes a comeback with Lawrence Jacoby (Russ Tamblyn) and his golden shovels. Who would’ve thought the doctor would’ve been a fan of live streaming his nonsensical mundanities, eh? Even more surprising, who would’ve presumed Nadine (Wendy Robie) would be a fan of his sage life advice, or left-field brother Jerry Horne (David Patrick Kelly)?

At this point, Jacoby’s new mantra of “shovel yourself out of the shit and into the truth” feels wholly apt, for whilst season 3 of Twin Peaks has been incredibly entertaining as of yet, it is further removed from the small town intrigues of series past with its Eraserhead-come-Mullholland Drive weirdness. Before you throw sharp things our way, no – it is not bad, yes – we do love it, but as the episodes start to tick over there is the nagging thought in the back of your mind that you simply can’t wait to understand the overall context of the myriad of tasty snacks that have been placed in front of you. The full meal if what you want, but you’re only being served side-dishes. The longer the wait the sweeter the taste, but then again, there is no real cure for impatience, is there?

But back to familiar faces. Segway to the Double R Diner and we find Norma (Peggy Lipton) tucked in the corner with her paperwork when a young blonde woman careers through the door. It turns out this is Becky Burnett (Amanda Seyfried), the daughter of diner waitress Shelley (Mädchen Amick) and an as-of-yet unidentified father who has a habit of lending money from her mother and not paying it back. Norma and Shelley are aware of Becky’s excuses for cash, most likely to spend on drugs with her husband Steven (Caleb Landry Jones) who has a preference for the white stuff and can’t land a job (with Bobby’s old friend Mike Nelson, nonetheless.) Her disdain at her current situation is plain on her face, but when Steven offers her the end of his line she isn’t keen to resist. It is hard not to make parallels between Becky and her mother Shelley, who was herself married to the drug dealing and abusive Leo; it is by no means a stretch to consider that Steve treats Becky in the same way. It is Norma, herself a mothering figure to Shelley, who spells it out: “If you don’t help her now, it’s going to get a lot harder to help her later”.

The other notable addition to this episode is that of the new resident bad boy in town. His smoking under a non-smoking sign seems pretty amusing, until he proceeds to do a shady deal with the bouncer of the Bang Bang Bar and goes on to assault and threaten a teenage girl from the neighbouring booth. The scene has creepy echoes of that of Evil Coop (not to mention Blue Velvet‘s Frank Booth) and Darya a few episode ago, and a peek at the credit cast list identifies this man as Richard Horne (Eamon Farren). Given his age, it is not a stretch to presume that this could be Audrey’s son, but being as she is still to appear we must wait to find out.

The aforementioned Evil Coop is still confined and now being subject to investigation. As Agent Gordon Cole identified in the previous episode, something is definitely not quite right, a factor only stressed in the oddly blank expression and monotonous speech emanating from this doppelgänger. The police detectives grace him his phone call (“Shall I call Mr. Strawberry? No…) only for the room to suddenly descending into darkness and clamour with flashing white light. BOB is alive and well in this body it seems, and if his remarks in the cell mirror are anything to imply, there may be a piece of the real Cooper there with him…

But, as always, the anchor of this episode is Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) himself. Decked in Dougie’s officious, oversize lime green blazer, he is a sorry sight made only more bedraggled by his naivety and loss, both in regards to his surroundings and sense of self. His own destitution and bewilderment is mirrored by our own, for who will navigate our trajectory through this strange land if not Cooper? Perhaps that is what makes his wandering the grounds of his workplace (after being dropped there by Janey-E) so disconcerting; his trying to find a path, clinging to the simplest signs of purpose and lack of connection function as our own. Nothing (on the weird scale of things) will make sense to us, until Cooper makes it make sense to us.

His unknowledgeable regard for the world lands him in some amusing predicaments, between brandishing a senior colleague a liar (another new superpower), being on the receiving end of the flirtations of another, or greedily snaffling up someone else’s coffee. He is an alien outside of the Black Lodge despite the echoes of his former self, yet all his scenes in this episode only serve to exaggerate the sad isolation he finds himself in and the lack of people near him who really care.

• Elsewhere and the body from the season premiere has been identified as that of Major Garland Briggs. However, nothing is ever quite that simple, and we discover -courtesy of some offbeat humour from forensic Constance Talbot (Jane Adams, a brief highlight) that the Major’s body had a wedding ring inside its stomach, that engraved with the name of Dougie’s (you know, the otherother Cooper) wife Janey-E. The mind boggles…
• It’s going down at the casino where owners Bradley and Rodney Mitchum believe that manager Warwick was working with Coop to deliver $425,000 of earnings. Understandably, he finds himself on the wrong end of his boot. Back at Dougie’s car and the would-be assassins are still keeping an eye out, to no avail. They go to search his car only to be blown into flames in the process. Dougie’s sex-worker friend Jade (Nafessa Williams) also finds his key to his room at the Great Northern Hotel on the floor of her car and deposits it in a postbox. No doubt that will make another appearance sooner rather than later…

Is Richard Horne Audrey’s son? Is BOB resurfacing in Evil Coop? Will Cooper still be stood outside in the morning? Til next time….

PS. It’s gif time

 

 

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Between Peaks: Twin Peaks scales new, baffling heights – ‘Parts 3+4’ (Season 3)

HELLOO-OOOO – Wally Brando!

That name alone is the most baffling thing so far in season three of Twin Peaks. We digress (honest), but all in all, whoever presumed that Michael Cera’s appearance would be a cameo of Sheriff deputy Andy (Harry Goaz) and secretary Lucy’s (Kimmy Robertson) 25 year old son? (And just look at him; he could easily be their real life lovechild!) Sheriff Frank Truman (Robert Forster)  – and yes, the brother of original series fave Harry Truman – is similarly thrown, and just when we thought the events of the previous double episode had got a little heavy, here is a totem of how David Lynch excels in deploying awkward bouts of humour. As a viewer, your cringing is drawn out for his own perverse enjoyment.

But Cera’s inclusion as the bike straddling, simperingly self-conscious cool guy ushers in some of the Twin Peaks of old, and with episodes three and four we are treated to a generous dollop of good ol’ fun. It is not without purpose however; Wally’s fleeting visit is to pay respects to the aforementioned Harry Truman, his godfather, who it transpires has been ill.

Wally’s stiff and hyperbolic dialogue contrasts with the return of Bobby Briggs (Dana Ashbrook), who is revisiting the Laura Palmer case file along with Frank and co. Yes, Bobby is now a member of the sheriff department, and in an uncannily similar fashion as to when Donna first learned of Laura’s death in the season one pilot, Bobby crumbles and sobs uncontrollably, losing every ounce of composure at the sight of the iconic Homecoming picture of his dead ex.

There is a quality about the returning characters that feels a little alien, a warmth recalled from our previous encounters that doesn’t feel quite present. Perhaps, until now, none of us realised how much our emotion on Angelo Badalamenti’s formerly ever-present though now noticeably absent score. In some ways, they could easily have been replaced by doppelgängers, just like out poor Coop, the real centrepiece of this double episode.

Following his vacuum travels with a detour via a glass box, Cooper finds himself in a dark room inhabited by a woman with no eyes. She struggles to communicate, taking him up a ladder to escape the ominous entity that is hammering on the locked door. They find themselves surrounded by stars and clinging to a satellite. She flips a switch before falling, only to be forgotten seconds later due to the floating head of Major Briggs saying “Blue Rose”: the code term for a case classified as supernatural. One such case was that of Laura Palmer.

He drifts and Coop descends back to the first room, the banging louder and a new woman (spotted by those eagle-eyed as Phoebe Augustine, a victim of the original series) perched on the sofa. With difficulty, Cooper is sucked back into the real world via a contraption, leaving only his shoes behind. This seemingly disjoints all involved. Evil Coop is violently sick and careers off the road, whilst a third Coop – introduced as Dougie Jones (it is implied that Evil Coop made Dougie as a replacement for himself for the Black Lodge) – abruptly exchanges places with the real one, his body leaving a golden orb and Laura Palmer’s owl ring in the Red Room.

That real Cooper is quickly revealed as having suffered some sort of mental ailment, either from the transportation or being stuck in the Black Lodge for 25 years, and is clearly befuddled by modern day Las Vegas. Dougie’s hooker leaves him at a casino, at which Cooper discovers a knack for spotting winning bandits (HELLOOO-OOO Mr. Jackpots!), racking up thousands of dollars before being removed from the premises and dumped back “home” to Dougie’s wife Janey-E (Naomi Watts, Mulholland Drive) and son, Sonny Jim (Pierce Gagnon of Looper and Extant). It quickly transpires that Cooper needs to relearn the basics – like using the bathroom – and can only speak in mimicry. One can only hope that one large gulp of hot coffee will shake Coop out of his reverie.

Elsewhere and Agent Gordon Cole (David Lynch himself) and Agent Albert Rosenfield (the late Miguel Ferrer) receive a phone call that they’d never presumed to hear: Agent Cooper has been found. Alas, it is not Mr. Jackpots, but evil doppelgänger Cooper, who was discovered in the aforementioned car wreckage and taken into custody. After a brief visit to Denise Bryson (David Duchovny), now head of the FBI, the two – accompanied by Agent Tamara Preston (Chrysta Bell) – travel to South Dakota to see him, but quickly surmise that something is amiss. Evil Cooper’s alien exchange leaves Cole and Rosenfield rattled; they know that this isn’t quite the same man that they saw some 25 years ago.

“I hate to admit this,” states Cole. “But I don’t understand this situation at all.” Never have truer words being spoken of Twin Peaks, especially as of late, but Rosenfield feels something different.

“Blue Rose,” he says. “Can’t get any bluer.”

They agree that one other must visit Evil Cooper before anything else progresses to determine if what they feel is correct. “I don’t know where she lives,” Rosenfield says. “But I know where she drinks.”

Between this week’s surrealism Eraserhead-come-Mullholland Drive surrealism and Lynch’s signature uncomfortable humour, Twin Peaks: Then Return is beginning to look like the most Lynchian amalgamation of all of his work to date.

What do you think of the surrealist edge? Does Cooper remember covfefe?  Perhaps the mysterious Diane will make an appearance after all this time? And what did you think of Wally Brando? Till next time…

 

Between Peaks: Twin Peaks – ‘The Return Parts 1+2’ (Season 3)

Between being the most feverishly analysed TV series of the past three decades, and the most longed for and anticipated to return, season three of Twin Peaks had a lot to live up to. In many ways it was the first “cult” TV show – or at least in the terms that we consider now – one that spouted reams of fan forums, celebratory creations and plenty of speculation over all of the plot lines that it failed to tie up when it was cancelled after two seasons.

Years of theorising over the final episode, continued discussion – that transitioned from zines to blogs to podcasts – and a seemingly undying influence on present day pop culture breathed life into the corpse long after it had died. Many fans (including this here writer) were born after its demise, but learned to love its quirkiness of humour, uniqueness of vision and unparalleled eerie horror with just as much zeal as those that were enraptured during its original run.

So when the ads abated, we sat nervous, tense, with an amalgamation of fear and excitement nestled in our chests. With that trepidation in our hearts, and the claim by Showtime boss David Nevins that season three would be “the pure heroin version of David Lynch” seared in our minds, on began the double whammy assault of parts 1+2. *SPOILERS AHEAD* With the eerie image of a demented Dale Cooper haunting fans for 25 years as the face of evil entity BOB leered from the bathroom mirror, it is now confirmed that it was Coop’s doppelgänger that escaped the Black Lodge and was set loose upon the real world. It’s not long before we are reintroduced to Evil Coop, actor Kyle MacLachlan being on fine form as the unnerving amalgamation of Cooper and the deceased Frank Silva, who played BOB in the first two seasons. Any semblance of the real Cooper is lost on this alternate; Evil Coop dallies in undesirable machinations and is clearly on a mission, potentially to slay us all with his greasy, slicked back mane.

What his quest entails is, as of yet, unknown, though his influence is no doubt more widespread than first assumed. For a series so deeply rooted between the pines of the titular Washington logging town, in the first episodes of season three viewers have been led across cities as far flung as New York, Las Vegas and Buckhorn; South Dakota. It is here that a mutilated body is discovered and the murder linked to a school headmaster Bill Hastings (Matthew Lillard). His fingerprints are all over the room of the woman in question, though he – seemingly earnestly – maintains that he has never been there but instead saw the happenings in a dream. It transpires that there is no love lost between he and his wife Phyllis (Cornelia Guest), who quite gleefully reveals she’s having an affair with their lawyer before being shot by Evil Coop (the pair seemingly know each other) not long thereafter.

Back in New York and newbie Sam (Benjamin Rosenfeld) beholds a large glass box. Inside is a vacuum, and outside are many cameras all trained on the glass in the possibility that something should occur inside. The owner of the box is unknown, but the mass storage of SD cards suggests that this set up has been here a while. Sam isn’t privy to all of the information, all he knows is that he’s getting paid, and if that means he can get busy with his kinda girlfriend Tracy (Madeline Zima) on the job then well, why not eh? Bad choice, it seems, for as the pair are otherwise occupied the box darkens and a spindly and mysterious shape appears, coming in and out of clarity before it suddenly – and incredibly violently – makes short work of the two.

The grotesque and surreal imagery of course makes it to the Red Room itself. It is here that we encounter Cooper, unmoved for 25 years, lined with age and a little dusty. He is woken from his reverie by Laura Palmer herself; she did, after all, promise that she would see him again in 25 years. “Are you Laura Palmer?” asks Cooper of the aged beauty. “I feel like I know her,” states actor Sheryl Lee. “But sometimes, my arms bend back.” The echo of their past encounters carries a melancholy air; both are visibly older and yet suspended in a purgatory of sporadic torment. Though there is an odd air of peace, Cooper’s lack of reaction when visited by the the other inhabitants of the Red Room and acceptance of their surreal actions reminding that he is but a respectful guest in someone else’s house. It is here that writers David Lynch and Mark Frost lay their first clue: for Cooper to leave the Black Lodge, another must return. It is a fair exchange and one that perhaps explains why Laura Palmer (if the one of the Red Room is, indeed, the real one) is trapped; her doppelgänger died on the outside, ultimately confining her to the Black Lodge. She shares a kiss and another secret with Cooper – one that makes him recoil – before flying from view.

Evil Coop has made steps to avert his return to the Black Lodge, which is drawing ominously near, the prospect of which is detailed to the real Coop via a mutated tree with a brain-mouth gobule known as The Arm, who abruptly ejects the real Cooper (seemingly) from the Black Lodge and on an inter-diminsional trip via the glass box. Things are beginning to move after all this time and aptly, the Log Lady knows about it. Portrayed by the late Catherine Coulson, both look and sound startlingly fragile as she rings a white haired Hawk (Michael Horse) to alert him of her log’s latest message, this one in relation to the long-gone Laura Palmer murder investigation (there’s also some much needed humour courtesy of receptionist Lucy and her officer husband Andy.) This, alongside Cooper and Laura’s interaction in the Red Room feels poignantly bittersweet, for whist the fundamentals of these relationships haven’t changed the actors and characters visibly have.

The episode ends with an abrupt detour to the Bang Bang Bar. This old haunt still – for the most part – looks the same, though the ghost of Julee Cruise has been ushered away by Drive-famous band Chromatics. Their sonic meshing of new and old encapsulates the altogether homely yet jarring experience of new Twin Peaks; from old haunts and new blood to the ripples of Lynch’s more challenging work Eraserhead and Mulholland Drive, or the welcoming of digital and the eschewing of much of Badalamenti’s iconic score, it is clear that Lynch and Frost have revitalised the core of their most beloved work. Will it polarise fans? Of course – it is, no doubt, precisely what they want – but as Shelley (Mädchen Amick) remarks of James (James Marshall) in a simple moment that could make you weep, “James is still cool. He’s always been cool.” He doesn’t care what others think, and neither does Twin Peaks.

A love letter to Twin Peaks

So here we are…

The time has come at last. It has been 27 years since Twin Peaks last graced our screens, and the irony is that I wasn’t even alive when the show first aired in 1990. I was but a bean in my mother’s midriff when the second season got cancelled, and for much of my life the only “Annie” I had concerns for was that of ‘Billie Jean’.

I confess, I had a late renaissance. For a good decade, I wrongly (though sincerely) believed that Twin Peaks was a romantic drama akin to that of a soap, the One Tree Hill or Gilmore Girls of its day (don’t shoot me, please!) Of course, how wrong that opinion was proved to be.

When I finally succumbed to the pilot, after one too many times of being told to, I found myself wholly baffled. The intro felt overblown and self-indulgent (it is), whilst Angelo Badalamenti’s famous score struck me as superfluously saccharine. It bristled every nerve in my body, causing me to tense in discomfort in the way of when something that you dislike is unavoidable to you, like that grating song on the radio, or the prospect of being forced to eat your most dreaded childhood food. Combine that with Audrey’s renegade posturing, Donna’s melodramatic wailing and Laura’s myriad of suitors and the only thing that made sense was the washed up body on the beach.

Dazed and very confused, I no doubt scoffed. I recall not wanting to continue, there was plenty of such drivel on present-day TV after all, so why suffer one that simple oozes overblown 80s eccentricity? Though, I confess, I am nothing if not stubborn. If Twin Peaks were so universally lauded then, by the Log Lady’s log, what was I missing? Why didn’t I get it, when so many others did? Why was I not privy to its secret? Perhaps, I was merely tasteless…

So I persevered in pure spite and somewhere along the way, to my honest surprise, I began to enjoy myself. The two minute long intro was no longer a chore but a ritual of sincere joy, Badalamenti’s music tugging at my heartstrings as every fibre of me longed for the solitude between the pines. I began to appreciate the humour in its pastiche of 1950s-1980s melodrama. Audrey’s vanity in fact hid a vulnerability that I had not anticipated, Donna’s simpering masked a recklessly jealous streak, whilst those aforementioned would be suitors only served to complicate the mystery that was Laura.

The universally adored prom queen lived a seemingly perfect existence – from the outside, yet almost immediately that ideal begins to unravel into something far more sinister in a town far more otherworldly than any of us ever expected. Perhaps it was the duality of intrigue that kept – and keeps – us all hooked, for as we can compute the concept of a young girl led down a path of crime and suffering routine abuse, can we ever hope for enlightenment if the threat is forever unfathomable?

And perhaps that is why we return now. It is the journey that compels us onwards, not the desire to reach the destination, and with the long pined-for season three may David Lynch leave us with more questions than we could ever dream of answering.

Those owls are not what they seem, after all…

Watch The Throne: Game Of Thrones – “The Winds Of Winter” (Season 6 Episode 10)

“Wow!” is the first this that sprang to mind after watching the final episode of season 6. The second was “It was perfect.” It was paid into fan speculation and theory, surprised us and even underwhelmed us. The narratives of all the main players in this series were rounded up neatly (in this super-long episode!) as we feel the chill of the winds of winter.

We open at Kingslanding, and everyone is tense on the morning of the trials of Cersei and Loras Tyrell. Remember, previously, that King Tommen had abolished the right to a trial-by-combat under the instruction of the High Sparrow. This is a trial by the Gods, and we all know how fair that is. Loras (Finn Jones) goes first, overlooked by a court packed with people including Kevan Lannister, his father – Mace Tyrell – and his sister, Margaery (Natalie Dormer). He doesn’t hold out for long, confessing to sins such as homosexuality and laying with traitor Renly Baratheon. He swears to serve the Seven, denouncing his titles and right to sire children, a fact the High Sparrow (Jonathan Pryce) is quick to solidify by having the Seven Pointed Star carved into his forehead.

One down, one to go, though it doesn’t take the High Sparrow long to deduce that Cersei (Lena Headey) and Tommen (Dean-Charles Chapman) will not be showing. Unbeknownst to them, Tommen is prevented from leaving his chambers by The Mountain, and Margaery states that – in defying the Seven and her trial – there must be a more sinister reason behind Cersei’s refusal to show, regardless of the consequences. She is of course, proven right, for whilst Grand Maester Pycelle is stabbed to death by children (really), Cousin Lancel happens upon Cersei’s hidden treasure: wildfire, and surely enough a spark sets the sept ablaze and takes half of the population of Kingslanding with it. Gone are the High Sparrow and his flock of devoted cronies (except Septa Ulenna, who is left to be tortured by The Mountain), alongside Kevan Lannister, Margaery and Loras as well as their father, Mace Tyrell. It appears Olenna had a lucky escape.

Privy to this cinematic spectacle is young King Tommen, who watches the entire thing unfold from his balcony. He does not flinch when he realises that his beloved wife is no more, but instead calmly steps up and launches himself off the ledge. The third of Cersei’s golden children, dead. It appears the prophecy delivered by witch Maggy the Frog (season 5 episode 1, if you need a reminder) has finally been fulfilled, and what is left to rein in the new Queen now she no longer has her children to protect? For how long shall Mad Queen Cersei sit on the Iron Throne? If the look that Jamie (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) throws her way (later in the episode) is any indicator, it may be a short reign..

In an episode that is so crammed with tying up its loose plot threads in time for the next series (by time travel half the time, it seems), it is incredibly easy to forget that which falls outside the big three stories. As such, you can be forgiven for forgetting, come the end of the show, that Arya (Maise Williams, in an appearance so brief that it may as well have been a cameo) hacked Walder Frey’s throat to pieces after shedding an unnamed face. It is a creepy and bile-inducing shadow of when her mother Catelyn had her own throat slit at the infamous Red Wedding. One more down on Arya’s kill list, and she is evidently getting a taste for blood. She took full relish in serving Walder Frey his own sons – in a pie – and  even took the opportunity to scout out Jamie and Bronn as they dined. She knows their faces now, though odds are they won’t see hers coming.

A brief flit to a more northern part of the North and Sam (John Bradley-West), Gilly (Hannah Murray) and Little Sam have finally made it to the Citadel, where maesters are trained. It is more comic relief than anything else, but we get a sneaky peak of the glorious library and its wonderful orary which – the eagle eyed amongst you will notice, I’m sure – is the one that has graced the opening credits for all of these years.

Whilst we are on brief flits and tying up loose ends, Bran’s (Isaac Hempstead Wright) inconvenient strolls through memory supply fans of both the show and the books with what they have been hungrily waiting for for some, say,  19 years now. He returns us to the Tower of Joy scene from earlier in the season, where we finally follow a young Ned up the steps to the screams of his younger sister, Lyanna – but these are not screams of her moment of murder; she is dying from childbirth. She whispers the child’s name (inaudible for us, boo) to her brother and says that Robert (Baratheon, her husband, he who was boar-ed to death) would kill the babe if he found out, and the only need to do so would be if it were a threat to Robert’s claim to the throne. The child would only be so if he were the son of Lyanna and Rhaegar Targaryan, therefore R+L=J: CANON. Cheers and tears everywhere, but where Rhaegar and Lyanna married? Is Jon legitimate with a real claim to the Iron throne? Or is he still a bastard, yet now with a blacker cloud following him than the one he was originally burdened with?

The most frustrating part of all this, of course, is that Bran is currently the only person privy to this information, and he’s stuck on the wrong side of the wall with only Meera to drag him back into the North (Coldhands/Uncle Benjen cannot pass thanks to the spells that prevent the dead from passing – sneaky season 7 plot point thrown in there, eh?). Who knows how long it will take him to find and tell Jon, if he ever does manage to? Not that his elder brother-of-a-fashion isn’t having some uncharacteristically good luck now that the Starks are back in Winterfell. Despite telling Sansa (Sophie Turner) that he believes she should be the Queen in the North, following the stead of young Lyanna Mormont (the excellent – Bella Ramsey, who appears to have survived the Battle of Winterfell) the leaders of the other northern houses declare Jon (Kit Harington) to be King. Is Sansa happy with this? It’s hard to tell, as despite stating her love for her brother her dalliances with Littlefinger (Aidan Gillen) behind Jon’s back hold her in questionable stead, for better or for worse. Does she trust either of them? Either way, it seems that Littlefinger will be sticking around, and he does have a good nose for sniffing out an opportunity to manipulate someone, after all.  And one gained is another one lost, for Davos (Liam Cunningham) finally founds the ashes of the pyre where Princess Shireen – daughter of Stannis Baratheon – was burned to death at the end of last season. He puts 2+2 together, and 2+2= Melisandre. The Red Woman (Carice van Houten) has the grace to be ashamed once confronted by the Onion Knight in Jon’s presence, but states that the Lord of Light has kept her alive for a purpose which has not been fulfilled yet, so instead of sentencing her to death, Jon banishes her from the North for good, and states that should she ever return that she will not be leaving the North alive.

 

Whilst partnerships are severing up North, travel further South and alliances are being made. Olenna (Diana Rigg), perhaps the sole surviving Tyrell of note following Cersei’s explosive plot, is in Dorne and in discussion with Ellaria Sand (Indira Varma), who is now – for all intents and purposes – Queen. But why? Well, a time-travelling Varys (Conleth Hill) is about to spill all. He’s rounding up the scorned houses to join the plight of Danaerys Targaryan, as after six whole series (and far too long messing about in Slaver’s Bay) and she is finally ready to set sail for Westeros. You heard it, we’re talking Tyrell-Martell soldiers and Unsullied-Dothraki warriors shipped over via Greyjoy transportation. It’s finally getting real. The Mother of Dragons (Emilia Clarke) names Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) her new Hand of the Queen, and he will come in handy (oho!), after all, who has been on the wrong side of Cersei more times than he?

(Oh, and Daario gets dumped.)

(Cold.)

I would say that I can’t wait for more extra-long episodes, but I won’t hold my breath; it’s already been reported that next season we are going from ten episodes to seven . Oh, and it won’t be on til even later next year, as shooting doesn’t begin until September. Got to make everything look all wintery of course.

Was this the best episode of Game Of Thrones so far? Many have already complained that there has been too much fan service now that the show has overtaken the books, but really, what is to be expected? The arcs of some characters have been foreseeable – or perhaps inevitable – for a long time. Dany was always going to set for Westeros (duh) and Jon was always going to exceed his bastard status. After Robb was murdered, who was the likely replacement as King in the North (albeit, by a highly detoured route)? The ascension of Cersei was not a given; there will be many more surprises yet.

So where do we go from here? No one knows. The only certainty now is that

Winter is here…

Watch The Throne: Game Of Thrones – “Battle Of The Bastards” (Season 6 Episode 9)

BRR! BRR! You know the drill: spoiler time once again, and a couple of biggies this episode. Some bigger than Drogon.

Going against this season’s tradition of starting every episode up t’North, we find ourselves in Meereen which, at the end of the last episode, was being firebombed by the Master’s fleet of ships. Understandably, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is not impressed; sure it’s been a while since she was spirited away, but it was barely any time in the grand scheme of things. It even served her well, as she acquired an army of Dothraki (read: every tribe) in the process. Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) actually looks sheepish as he answers to his queen on the how’s and why’s of the city being bombarded. Together with Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) and Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel), the pair state their claims: that the Masters broke their agreement with Tyrion and, in attacking Meereen, they are being treacherous. Daenerys frees Rhaegal and Viserion from their prison – the pair are noticeably smaller than Drogon – and together the three destroy the Master’s army (all, somehow, without burning their fleet of ships. Convenient, right?).

The three Masters are informed that one of them is to be a sacrifice, at which two of them push forward the third, who is apparently of lower class. What bastards. As the third knees and begs for forgiveness, Grey Worm steps forward and slits the throats of the other two with one stroke. It is simultaneously hilarious and badass, and Tyrion informs the last Master that he return to whence he came and inform his followers that Daenerys is their queen. Touché.

Finally, the Dothraki army storm into the citadel and trample the Sons of the Harpy under their hooves. It has been a long time coming, hasn’t it? Though it isn’t made clear whether each and every one is killed in the attack, it puts Daenerys in good stead for setting off for Westeros. She has an enormous army and she has ships, which are added to once again when Yara (Gemma Whelan) and Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) unexpectedly turn up on Dany’s doorstep. They detail the beef with their uncle Euron who – if you recall – murdered their father, contested Yara’s claim to the throne and is now after their heads. Oh, and he intends to marry Daenerys, which rankles her so much that she accepts Yara’s offer to support her claim to the throne (much to Tyrion’s distaste) on the condition that, should Daenerys be successful, the Iron Islands become an independent entity from the Seven Kingdoms. May this be the start of a long and fruitful… bromance? (What’s the female equivalent to “bromance” anyway?)

This episode is all about female empowerment and – as I’m sure we can all agree – it’s high time we get some of that on Game Of Thrones. But it has to be earned of course.

The main event this episode is obviously the titular Battle of the Bastards. As is customary in Game Of Thrones, episode 9 must always culminate in a stupendous fight sequence. The previous ones have been some of the best TV ever broadcast: the execution of Ned Stark (season 1), the Battle of Blackwater Bay (2), the Red Wedding (3), the Battle of Castle Black (4) and Drogon spiriting Dany away from the Sons of the Harpy (5). Battle of the Bastards is no different. It is spectacularly choreographed and shot, the shoot for which took a reported 25 days, and included 500 extras, 600 crew members and 70 horses. Dare we ask the cost?

But let’s start at the beginning. In discussion prior to the battle, Jon (Kit Harington) challenges Ramsay Bolton (Iwan Rheon) to one-on-one combat, as it should be, to spare their men. Ramsay declines, for he’s heard all about Jon; a full on assault it is. And then there’s Rickon (Art Parkinson): where exactly is he? Ramsay throws forth Shaggydog’s severed head as proof, and Sansa believes he is as good as dead. She and Jon argue over the matter: she knows Ramsay in ways Jon never will, she knows his cunning and love of making others suffer for enjoyment. But Jon is a war hero of course, he knows how to organise a battle in ways that Sansa doesn’t. He thinks it is worth trying to save Rickon. He also thinks that their army is big enough, though given Sansa’s raven to who-could-guess, we can bargain that we know exactly what she thinks of that.

The armies assemble and Ramsay steps forward – with Rickon, dragged along by a rope. He cuts him free. He tells him to run.

And run the boy does. Jon sees him first and rides forward to meet his younger brother. Ramsay is evidently baiting them both, separating Jon from his army and shooting arrows at the youngest Stark as he desperately tries to reach safety. Ramsay has shown himself a skilled archer time and again; it is clear that he is pretending to miss.

Until he doesn’t.

Rickon is speared through the heart, and dies lying on the ground choking on his own blood. One more Stark gone, and just like his companion Osha, Rickon was ultimately only brought back to die.

(Why the boy didn’t veer to the right or the left, we’ll never know.)

The Bolton army storms forward, the Northern-Wildling conglomerate does too and the fight is truly begun. Swords clash, limbs flail, spears tangle and horses collide is a fury and frenzy that is disorienting. Jon is luckier than the majority, for time and again an arrow hits an ally or a horse dispatches a foe. Tormund (Kritofer Hivju) and his wildlings run forth with gusto, yet after so long it is clear that the Bolton army is purely larger. They circle what is left of Jon’s army, trapping them against the (mostly) dead bodies of their own soldiers. Shields and spears barricade them in, and not even the lone giant can break through their wall.

Just as it looks as though all is lost, who is to appear upon the crest of the hill by Sansa and Littlefinger (Aidan Gillen). The Knights of the Vale storm down and break through the Bolton defences, reinvigorating the fight once again. Jon would do well to trust his sister it seems; she was right about the army, and she was right about what Ramsay would do to Rickon. Yet it is Littlefinger who we have to watch from hereon in. Somehow, in all of this mess that he helped to construct, he has emerged favourably and smelling of roses, having successfully absconded from the Lannisters in Kings Landing to a new Northern ruler. And let’s remember, Sansa will (or should be, for Jon is a bastard) queen of Winterfell, and presumably she will need a king. Let’s hope that is neither Littlefinger, or the whelp he is manipulating, Robin Arryn.

The Bolton army is decimated and Jon and the Northern-Wildlings storm into Winterfell, drop the Stark banners and take Ramsay, who Jon takes great relish in deploying his anger upon. He stops short of the mark when Sansa walks in. This is her revenge.

They tie Ramsay in the dungeons, bleeding and bruised but still intact and feed him to his starving dogs. The hounds  rip off his face, before setting into his gut.

So where do we go from here? Chips are being set into place for season 7 (yipes). Let’s recap:

Daenerys has an army, a fleet, two Greyjoys, three (presumably) obedient dragons and no impending enemies. Will she finally set sail for Westeros? Ramsay Bolton is finally dead, and Sansa is (also presumably) Queen of Winterfell. Out of the Starks, only she, Jon, Arya and Bran survive. Will they encounter the other two in the next season? Also, Littlefinger is now in Sansa’s favour, but will Jon agree on the sentiment? What is Littlefinger set to gain? He clearly wants power, but what will he do next to get it?

Next week is a big one, too. Cersei finally has her trial, we have yet to hear of Bran, Meera and Benjen and Arya is set to leave Braavos. Episode 10 is on its way; who can believe it’s almost over for another year already?

(Also a sad goodbye to Iwan Rheon, who – in his portrayal of Ramsay Bolton – successfully became the most loathed bastard on TV.)

PS: I’m conducting a survey on Twitter on why we bond over TV violence (can apply to GoT, Peaky Blinders, American Horror Story etc). Would appreciate any takers: up until Sunday!

Watch The Throne: Game Of Thrones – “No One” (Season 6 Episode 8)

Spoiler-bound, but no fear! This was a (relatively) quiet episode.

This week is Arya’s week, which I’m rather glad about. Her entire story has been on the back burner since last season, when she arrived in Braavos and opted to spend her days being bashed with sticks. So far this season, she has learnt some valuable lessons, such as not victimising others for personal gain, humility and perseverance. She definitely missed the memo on obedience, but this is Arya Stark. We have always loved the rebel in her.

Last week, she escaped the Waif by throwing herself off a bridge after being stabbed. She scrambles out of the water and makes her way to the only “friend” she has left in Braavos; Lady Crane, who takes her in and patches her up. The Lady invites her once again to join the travelling troupe of actors, but Arya (Maisie Williams) refuses. She intends to go far away to Essos, or even west of Westeros. She needs to escape. She needs to feel safe. The question is will she ever be? Definitely not today, for her sanctuary is short-lived. The Waif sneaks into Lady Crane’s chambers, murders her, and chases Arya through the streets. (NOTE: This is so ridiculously implaughible – Arya throws herself off a balcony and runs hours – at most, days – after being stabbed!) It’s tense (have you seen the muderous zeal on the Waif’s face!?) and Arya starts to bleed again, but she keeps going, luring the Waif away from the crowds and to a secluded chamber. Arya pulls out Needle and snuffs the light. All of that blind sparring may have paid off after all.

No one is surprised to see that Arya is the one standing in the House of Black and White whilst the Waif’s face is smeared bloodily on the wall, least of all Jaqen. Apparently, a girl has succeeded: she is now no one. Whoop-de-do! But in her quest to be “no one” Arya has realised that she very much needs to be someone. She is going back to Winterfell, and one can only assume that her kill list is at the forefront of her mind.

There is a lot of movement this week as the chess pieces are being shaken up. Varys (Conleth Hill) leaves Meereen for starters, though for where and for why is currently unclear. This leaves Tyrion (Perter Dinklage) with Greyworm (Jacob Anderson) and Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel), who are hardly the liveliest pair, though they do painfully try to share some jokez, for after all, in the new peace of Meereen, it would be uncouth to not indulge a little, right? Their lighthearted bonding session is soon interrupted however by loud noises and an enormous fleet of ships heading into the bay. It appears that The Masters have gone back on their word and are back to take what is theirs. There seems to be little that they can do, other than assemble the Unsullied and barricade themselves into the pyramid. But just as they are about to go down fighting, there is a crash on the roof. The doors to the balcony open and who is there but everyone’s favourite Mother Of Dragons? Daenerys (Emilia Clarke)  does not look best pleased – and who can blame her? She’s been gone for all of five minutes and both her city and authority is under siege. It will be interesting to see if The Masters reconsider now that they can see how large Drogon has gotten.

Talking of large things, man-mountain The Hound (Rory McCann) is on the hunt for those bandits that slaughtered the Septon and his camp and, in doing so, killed perhaps the only friends that he had ever had. It doesn’t take him long to find four of them, though he dispatches them quickly as they prove unhelpful. Soon afterwards, he happens upon the Brotherhood Without Banners and their continually resurrected leader, Beric Dondarrion. It appears that they have already captured those bandits, in fact they are so far along that they are about to hang them. The Hound wants to finish them off instead (Dondarrion gives him two) and the bandits flail as they swing whilst those around them make small talk. Dondarrion and Thoros of Myr – the red priest who resurrects him – intend to go north, where the “cold winds are blowing”. Apparantly, they are looking to recruit good men to accompany them. The Hound umms and ahhs yet doesn’t commit. Perhaps he intends to go south…

That’s what we all hope anyway, but we’ll get to that in a minute. In this episode, we finally get to see exactly what The Mountain – er, Ser Robert Strong – is capable of in his present un/dead state. Lacel Lannister, the cousin of Cersei and Jamie who you may recall from Cersei’s bed in Season 2 before he refashioned himself as a Sparrow, has come to collect the Mother of the King and deliver her to the High Sparrow, who wishes to speak with her. She states that if he wishes to do so, he will have to visit her in the Red Keep. Lancel warns that should she persist, that there will be violence. “I choose violence” states Cersei (Lena Headey) – and why not? She has the Mountain at her shoulder after all, and her confidence is justified. He proceeds to rip the head off an unfortunate Sparrow (with his bare hands) as a warning to the others, who back off. Naturally.

You almost begin to root for Cersei, but it is a short-lived victory, however. Later, she visits the throne room where King Tommen is about to make an announcement. As it transpires, it is not one she wishes to hear. Under the guidance of the High Sparrow, he proceeds to abolish trial by combat. There goes Cersei’s (and Loras Tyrell’s) chances of innocence it seems. (More importantly, there goes Cleganebowl.) As Cersei internally crumbles once again, Qyburn whispers into her ear. Apparently, his little birds have reported something that could be to both of their likings.

“Is it a rumour,” asks Cersei. “Or something more?”

“More,” says Qyburn. “Much more.”

Is Cersei about to fulfil her wish to burn Kingslanding to the ground? It’s the first thing that comes to mind, though we will have to wait and see.

The last visit to be made this week is a return jaunt to Rivrrun, where Jamie (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) is still holding it out with The Blackfish (Clive Russell). Both are still refusing to budge, it seems, when Brienne (Gwendoline Christie) and Pod arrive in the camp on behalf of Sansa to converse with her uncle. She tells Jamie that she intends to convince The Blackfish to go with her up north in order to aid his eldest niece in taking Winterfell from the Boltons. She also tries to return to him his sword as she has now completed her promise to Catelyn Stark to rescue her daughter (everyone believes that Arya is dead). Jamie refuses, and the Blackfish doesn’t bite. The honourable Brienne doesn’t take failure well.

Jamie has one trump card it seems: Edmure. He cajoles the Tully and convinces him to return to the castle and order his men to lay down their arms, in order to save his child whom he has never met. Both comply, and the Lannisters move in, but the Blackfish would rather go down fighting than surrender to the Lannisters. He ships Brienne and Pod upstream before meeting an honourable end, and as the pair row north in escape, Jamie spots them and waves. It is an odd relationship, that of Jamie and Brienne, one that is of mutual fondness and respect, yet seems doomed to end sombrely.

So yes, I slow week, but a vital one. Sometimes misguided – e.g. Arya’s epic healing skills, her total 180° and The Blackfish being snuffed (he’s still living in the books, hell, he wasn’t even at the Red Wedding!).

Where Arya go now that a girl is someone again? Will Daenerys end her conflict with the Masters once and for all? And where is the Hound headed?

Over and out for now!

 

Watch The Throne: Game Of Thrones – ‘The Broken Man’ (Season 6 Episode 7)

Spoiler spoiler everywhere, be wise or you’ll be in for a scare!

What’s that coming over the hill, chop-chop-chopping wood as he goes? It’s not… can it be… The Hound!? It’s a bold first shot for this week’s episode (can you believe that we’re on week seven already!? Where is the time going?), but depending on how much of a social media denizen you are, you may or may not have already seen some compromising theories pertaining to such over the peat week or two. I’ll link the Cleganebowl theory HERE should you be as much of a speculative and nosy and self-spoiling obsessive as I.

It transpires that The Hound (Rory McCann) has been living the simple life with septon Ian McShane and his travelling band of merry followers, who keep themselves to themselves and peacefully tend to the land. Having happened across a dying Sandor Clegane after Arya left him for dead back in season 4, McShane’s septon took him in and nursed him back to health, with the hope of enlightening the former knight along the way. How well that went down is left for us to guess, as the Hound is still far more suspicious and sceptical than the company he currently keeps, and who can blame him? He’s spent years of his life in Kingslanding, after all. So when three armoured horsemen of the Brotherhood Without Banners trot into their camp, he is more than a bit wary, especially when they declare that “The night is dark and full of terrors”.

The Hound’s penchant for chopping wood goes to fare him well however, as upon returning to the camp following their cries he finds every men, woman and child slaughtered and the septon hanged. He grabs a hatchet and marches hot on their trail; perhaps Clegane is not so reformed after all.

And talking of reformed individuals, Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer) is spreading her newfound enlightenment for all to share, her current victim of choice being her grandmother. Following a conversation with the High Sparrow (Jonathan Pryce), he convinces the queen that the Queen of Thorns needs to repent. Margaery pays her a visit – along with the delightful Septa Unella – but as can be presumed, Olenna (Diana Rigg) is hardly amused by her show of religious devotion. Grabbing her by the hand, Margaery begs her grandmother reconsider… and slips her a note. It appears our slippery queen hasn’t completely lost her gall after all, and when Olenna opens it later, she finds a drawing of a rose, the symbol of House Tyrell. Hopefully, Margaery intends to play the High Sparrow at his own game.

Complying with her granddaughter’s wishes, Olenna packs for High Garden, but not before one last visit by the king’s mother. It seems Cersei (Lena Headey) is feeling the pinch; her allies are either being dispatched elsewhere or dropping like flies. It’s a good job that she has the Mountain to look after her. Olenna bluntly admonishes her by stating that the mess they all currently find themselves in is one solely of Cersei’s making and that the only satisfaction she gets from it is watching the Lannister suffer.

Following the brief return of Walder Frey in last week’s episode, we return to the Riverlands to find some of his many sons brandishing their hostage Edmure Tulley – aka: the groom of the Red Wedding – at the battlements of Riverrun where his uncle, The Blackfish (Clive Russell), has taken the longstanding Tulley castle from the sly Frey’s. Apparantly, Jamie Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) is the most suitable candidate to sort this mess out, alongside everyone’s favourite unallied knight Bronn (Jerome Flynn). The pair ride through the camp and take control of the Fray army before Jamie goes to parlay with the Blackfish. Not that it goes well, for for all Jamie’s talk, the Blackfish declares himself “disappointed” in finally meeting the Kingslayer, and who can really blame him. Jamie is hardly commanding the situation here. He seems to be perpetually cursed by being a trier, but ultimately leaving a lot to be desired when the pivotal moment comes.

Up in the North and Sansa (Sophie Turner) and Jon (Kit Harington) have their own mess to sort, for whilst Jon and Tormund (Kristofer Hivju) convince the Wildling army to support Jon and Sansa’s venture to take back Winterfell their army is quite a bit smaller than required – by a lot. They head to visit the Northern houses that have not pledged allegiance to the Boltons, starting with the Mormonts of Bear Island. After all, who can argue with a declaration as strong as “Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is Stark”.

One would presume it be a home run, but upon being admitted to an audience with Lyanna Mormont (actress Bella Ramsey STEALS the show!),the trio – joined by Ser Davos – are a bit taken aback. The young leader – a mere ten years old – is frosty and tough; she doesn’t want to lose more men following an ill-advised Stark then the Mormonts did when they followed Robb south previously. She boldly questions whether Sansa can even claim to be Stark, having been married to both a Lannister and a Bolton. Ultimately, it is left to Davos to save the day, placating the situation and convincing young Lyanna to back their cause. Not that there are many men to spare; they are pledged a mere 62, and whilst Jon seems hasty to head to Winterfell with what they have, that is by no means enough for Sansa. She sneaks off and pens a letter to an unrevealed recipient and seals it with the Stark seal. One can only assume it is intended for Littlefinger and his Knights of the Vale…

We only get a brief flit to Braavos this week, which is all very well following Arya’s (Maisie Williams) rediscovery that a girl is far better being someone in this world than being a no-one that answers subserviently to a god that also cannot decide who or what it wants to be. Her reclamation of Needle was a good start, but it hardly seems like she is on the down low, and definitely not when she struts about town throwing her pick-pocketed cash at merchants for board on their ship.

Perhaps Arya actually wants the attention. She knows Jaqen well enough that she is always being watched, so what if she wants to play them at their own game? As she is soaking in some sun on a bridge, she is approached by an old woman, and before we know it the Waif is plunging a dagger into her abdomen over and over and over again. Somehow, she escapes the wretched Waif’s clutches, throwing herself over the bridge and into the canal below. For a few moments you begin to question whether that is really the end of the bullheaded Stark, yet she reemerges downstream and somehow drags herself from the water, dripping blood as she goes on a quest for help.

If the Waif thinks Arya is dead then will Jaqen? Will Sansa get the raven that she is hoping for, or will it be intercepted by Ramsay on the way to the Vale? What is Margaery’s game, and are the cogs of Cleganebowl in motion?

Meet you on the other side.

PS. I am so ready for Lyanna Mormont memes. Ready.

Watch The Throne: Game Of Thrones – “Blood Of My Blood” (Season 6 Episode 6)

Spoilers if you are lagging behind: beware. Or if you’ve given up on a spoiler-free existence, come right on through!

One week later and Meera (Ellie Kendrick) is still dragging Branflake (Isaac Hempstead-Wright) through the snow. Just in case you’d forgotten the trauma of last week, Bran lingered too long in a dream/memory that ultimately led the Night’s King and his entire army to the home of the Three Eyed Raven, resulting in carnage for literally everyone bar the girl dragging the lanky, disabled teen through the snow. Hodor held his door, not that you would know that anyone is bothered by his demise given the total lack of recognition in this week’s episode. You’d think that, having subject us all to that momental heartache, the characters would at least have the decency to partake in such too.

To make matters worse, Bran is still dreaming. Literally. He’s taking this lazy teen stereotype to new levels here. It’s one thing to sleep through your mother’s calls to get your ass down for breakfast, but another entirely to sleep through a slaughter. But just as Meera is coming to terms with their fates, he wakes up. They embrace and wait to be killed and…

Aren’t.

They are saved by a mysterious hooded figure swinging a ball of fire. He fights off the undead and drags the pair onto his horse, galloping them away to safety. But who is this hooded creature? Well, as was proved last week, nothing in Game Of Thrones is accidental and the same goes for characters. There is a reason Ned Stark has a brother, and it appears we are about to find out why (finally), for after 54 episodes Benjen Stark (Joseph Mawle) has made his return. Yes, we thought he was dead. They all thought he was dead. Actually, he was dead, yet not undead (this is becoming a theme), having been resurrected by the Children of the Forest to combat the White Walkers.

That’s all we’re given in the North this week (yes, a week minus Sansa or Jon). The closest in proximity that we get is Sam (John Bradley-West) delivering Gilly (Hannah Murray) and Little Sam to his family in the hope that they take them in for safekeeping. Except he’s failed to mention one little stickler: his father – Randyll Tarly – despises Wildlings, so despite the warm welcome from his mother and sister, it’s only a matter of time until things end badly. And they do, with Randyll screeching that Sam “dishonours” them and marvelling – furiously – that he still be alive. Despite Gilly sticking up to Randyll in Sam’s honour, he agrees to take the “Wildling Whore” in in the agreement that she work in the kitchens, to which Sam agrees. Yet when we have just given in all hope at Sam having cajones, he whisks Gilly and Little Sam away because they are a family, and families stay together. Not before he also whisks Randyll’s valyrian steel sword from the mantelpiece; it may come in handy soon after all.

 

Down in Kingslanding and it’s time for Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer) to repent for her sins by following in Cersei’s footsteps, though if you recall, her grandmother Olenna (Diana Rigg) has a different idea. The Queen of Kingslanding will not be paraded through the streets like some common whore on her watch, and the Lannisters agree. When the Sparrows bring her out onto the steps of the Sept they find a shiny Lannister-Tyrell coalition waiting to greet them, headed by Jamie (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau). Margaery’s face is a picture of bewilderment (though one that could be later construed as horror) when she sees the army sent to rescue her; she has reawakened in the light of the Seven and has seen the error of her ways – and so has King Tommen (Dean-Charles Chapman). The young king states the importance of the union of the faith and the crown, though we can hazard a guess it is more the importance of the retrieval of his wife for, er, less noble machinations. The smug look on the High Sparrow’s(Jonathan Pryce) face at this turn of events is a sight to behold, and one can only wonder that had quick witted Margaery been privy to her would-be saviours notions, this whole debacle could have taken a turn for the better instead of a whole lot worse.

Once again Jamie and Cersei (Lena Headey) reinstate their intention to make everyone pay for how they have suffered, which is apt, as Jamie has been stripped of his Kingsguard status by Tommen for his opposing the crown and it appears that Cersei is to be left all alone. He is being shipped to Riverrun to see the Blackfish (Catelyn Stark’s uncle – a Tully – if you recall); he has reclaimed The Twins from the sly Fray’s following their betrayal at the Red Wedding, so natually, as a Lannister and Fray ally it is Jamie’s job to sort out the mess (or try to). The prospect of Jamie leaving her on her own in Kingslanding’s pit of snakes softens Cersei for a brief moment and as he departs you can’t help but wonder what will be of her now the High Sparrow has Tommen in the palm of his hand.

Over in Braavos and Arya (Maisie Williams) is back watching am-dram (extra kudos if you spot Richard E. Grant who returns in his cameo of last week – portraying Tywin Lannister’s death on the bog), except this time its a tad more sinister with Jaqen giving her the task to assassinate Lady Crane by poisoning her wine. With her wily ways, it looks like a girl is set to succeed, until she is rumbled by her would-be victim just as she is about to leave. The two bond in the space of a three minute conversation and Arya has a change of heart; she storms back into the changing room and knocks the glass from the actress’ hand just as she is set to take a sip. It seems a girl prefers being someone after all and it’s a good job that she retrieves Needle from the docks, for her spiteful sparring partner has just been given Jaqen’s blessing to off the young Stark. He requests that she does not make Arya suffer, though the look on the Waif’s face suggests otherwise.

Finally, we are treated to a brief visit to everyone’s favourite Mother Of Dragons. Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) and Daario (Michiel Huisman) are traversing the desert with their new, enormously large army of Dothraki. For all her spiel at Vaes Dothrak, she has yet to prove on her claims – other than walking through fire, of course. Cue the return of Drogon. Dany literally sniffs out the beast – who has grown, exponentially. Her favourite baby seems a tad more compliant than the last time we saw him, yet if he hadn’t dumped her in the middle of nowhere at the end of last season, Daenerys would be minus one very large army. It appears everything happens for a reason, and the Dothraki appear suitably impressed by the silver haired queen on the back of a giant flying lizard. As you would be.

It’s been a quiet one this week, hasn’t it? It will be interesting to see where the return of Benjen goes. It will be interesting to see if Arya makes it out of Braavos alive. And what of Sam and Gilly now? 

Onto the next!

 

Watch The Throne: Game Of Thrones – “The Door” (Season 6 Episode 5)

OK, so, you know when you usually get told that this review is ‘MAJOR SPOILER’? Well this one is M.A.J.O.R  S.P.O.I.L.E.R! Please take heed and watch episode 6 before reading this; any damage done here is irreparable.

As so above. If you were situated on the wrong side of the Atlantic come Monday morning, then the Internet was a dangerous place to be, especially social media, and especially Twitter. There’s only so many times you can see the hashtag #HoldTheDoor before you clutch your face, delete your apps and put your phone on aeroplane mode, but alas, this is what we are dealing with here. It’s one of those ones.

One of those ones starts, as appears as tradition in this series, at Castle Black; it appears that Peter Baelish, aka. Littlefinger (Aidan Gillen), the man of mystery and manipulation, is also capable of time travel, having somehow navigated his way from the Vale of Arryn all the way to the Mole’s Town in an unbelievably speedy manner. He has come, of course to offer his dear Sansa (Sophie Turner) his services but she’s having none of it, and who can blame her. She accuses him of knowing what she was heading to when he delivered her to Ramsay Bolton, and orders him to describe what he thinks Ramsay did to her on their wedding night. She says she ‘can still feel what he did inside of [her]’, and watching Littlefinger squirm uncomfortably makes for rather satisfactory viewing.

It is becoming more and more apparent that Sansa is maturing and taking her own fate out of the hands of men; her recount of her rape it done without a shred of self pity. It seems that she has come to terms with it, and it is one more thing to add fuel to her fire. Littlefinger informs Sansa that her uncle, the Blackfish, has retaken Riverrun and has formed an army, however – for whatever reason – he withholds that he has the Vale’s army in motion. What is his motive here? One can only (tentatively) assume that, in Sansa’s apparent rejection of him, he may use that army for other purposes. We later meet Sansa with Jon, Davos, Melisandre, Tormund, Brienne and Pod as they are planning where to go from here. Sansa lies to them as to her source of where she learned of the Blackfish army. Brienne (Gwendoline Christie) later asks her why, and she doesn’t answer, though she does send Brienne away to meet with her uncle. As they leave Mole’s Town to sway the Northern Houses into joining their cause, it seems that Sansa is intent in doing this on her own terms.

(PS. Tormund’s crush on Brienne is killing me.)

Over in the Iron Islands, we find the Kingsmoot. Despite Yara (Gemma Whelan) putting up a good case despite the Ironborn’s admonitions of her gender (and Theon’s two cents), she is drowned out by the bravado of their uncle Euron, who confesses to killing Balon and promises the Ironborn that if he is king, he will take their fleet East to Daenerys and marry her so that together they can take Westeros. They like the sound of that of course, and as they are busy inaugurating him (aka. Drowning, because ‘born and born again’ and all that). Yara, Theon (Alfie Allen) and some loyal supporters flee with the fleet of ships. The pesky pair.

Over on the warmer (and dryer) side of things, and Arya (Maisie Williams) is taking a beating again. In all fairness to her though, she is slowly, but surely, putting up a better fight. Jaqen tasks her with assassinating an actress, who just so happens to be in a comedy portraying the death of Robert Baratheon and the beheading of Ned Stark who, in creative liberty, is depicted as an idiot. It evidently touches a nerve.

Having escaped from Vaes Dothrak, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) finally gives in to Jorah’s (Iain Glen) pursuits and pardons him for being faithful. He responds by confessing love for her (cue squirming by Daario Naharis) as well as revealing his Grey Scale. Dany appears distraught and orders him to obey his queen and to find the cure for his disease. It is all rather touching, and you can’t help but feel for Jorah fulfilling his need to acquire his Queen’s forgiveness.

In Meereen, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) is assuming his deal with the Masters a success, as in the two weeks since there has been no deaths or action by rebel group Sons Of The Harpy. However, he needs to convince the people that Daenerys is responsible for their newfound peace, so it makes perfect sense for him to recruit the High Priestess of the Lord Of Light to share the word for him. She agrees because Daenerys is evidently the “Chosen One”, just like Stannis. Varys is far more dubious, actually even borderline hostile; he doesn’t trust those who use magic thanks to a sorcerer castrating him as a child. He brands her a “fanatic” yet is rankled to discover she knows his story. The High Priestess agrees to aid them and leaves, and you can’t help but feel that this is all going to go a bit Kingslanding…

Let’s return to the Three Eyed Raven’s tree, and Bran (Isaac Hemptead-Wright) is in a memory. A very, very old one, it turns out. We watch as the Children of the Forest impale a living human man whose body subsequently begins to chill with ice. Is this the birth of the Night’s King? It seems very likely, and with the Children of the Forest having created him to kill humans who were taking over their land, what does this mean for the motives of both they and the Wights? Can the Wights control their urge to purge humanity, or is it their curse to pursue it forever? It’s an unexpected turn of events, and will be interesting to see where this goes in the future.

And talking of unexpected things, it’s about to get emotional. It’s becoming a bit hard to not go full H.A.M at Bran as he becomes more and more impatient at the progress of his training under the Three Eyed Raven. He takes it upon himself to go back into a memory on his own. He finds himself before the Wierwood tree, facing an army of the dead. He walks through it, bewildered, before stopping to inspect the four Wights. Only they are also inspecting him. They can see him, and now so can the dead. The Night’s King grabs his arm and he wakes; according to the Three Eyed Raven, the Night’s King can now see where they are and will be coming for them. They can, and they do. Soon enough they are attacked from outside, but both the Raven and Bran are back in dreamland, this time it’s Winterfell again, and they are watching young Hodor. Bran is dragged from the fray as chaos ensues around them; both the Raven and the Children of the Forest perish (though not before Meera slays a Wight), and as they escape through a back door, Meera screams at Hodor to hold it shut. It appears Bran cannot wake, and instead of warging into Hodor outside of the dream, he wargs into young dream Hodor instead, controlling old Hodor through time via this memory. Young Hodor fits in a panic; he can hear Meera screeching “Hold the door!”, because as old Hodor is slowly being ripped apart by the dead. Young, dream Hodor’s fate is sealed, for “Hold the door” becomes “holdthedoor” becomes “Hodor”.

It’s such a sad yet heroic moment, and you can’t help but feel a sense of guilt for having misunderstood Hodor for all of these years. You hate Bran for being so selfish. You have a reinforced sense of admiration for George R.R Martin for having woven this twist into the plot from the beginning of this 20+ year journey. You can’t help but wonder how much of the current GoT world as we know it is really as it seems.

I’m too exhausted to ask questions this week, but let’s find solace in the fact that this is easily the best episode of this season (so far), and one of the best Game Of Thrones episodes in its history.